


i'll be right beside you

by machogwapito



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Heroes (TV)
Genre: ??????? - Freeform, Angst, Drabble, Lots of Angst, M/M, all my tears and shit, also unlikely pairings yo, angst everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-07 09:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/machogwapito/pseuds/machogwapito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter knows this is entirely one-hundred percent his fault. He will know this for the rest of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll be right beside you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally posting some Steve/Peter drabbles, yay! Don't ask me how the two came together. Honestly. Don't. I have no idea, either. Sort of in the same verse as [this post](http://steven-mcgarrett.tumblr.com/post/45578658489/hawaii-five-0-heroes-nathan-petrellis), [this post](http://steven-mcgarrett.tumblr.com/post/45631185861/now-i-cant-stop-thinking-about-steve-peter-thanks), and [this post](http://steven-mcgarrett.tumblr.com/post/45674059772/hawaii-five-0-heroes-peters-only-been-in) on Tumblr. Woohoo, Heroes Five-0!

Peter knows this is entirely one-hundred percent his fault.

He will know this for the rest of his life.

It's hard, he finds, to look at him, and Peter wants to turn away--he doesn't want to acknowledge it for as long as he can. Maybe, just _maybe_ , he'll open his eyes and realize it's just another one of his horribly vivid nightmares. Maybe he'll just end up shooting up in bed, gasping for air and soaked in cold sweat. Maybe destiny is more compassionate than everyone thought.

Steve groans in his arms, and like an arrow piercing his heart, Peter knows it's real.

"I'm sorry," Peter whispers, and then continues to repeat the two words until they become a sacred mantra on his lips. Steve says nothing, and even in his injury he reaches and tries to latch onto the man holding onto him somehow. His movements are bleeding into softness, though; there's no way for him to muster up enough strength to hold onto _anything_. Steve tries but his fingers slip away. Peter takes his hand instead.

"'s not your fault," Steve wheezes, trying to grin but wincing in pain instead. "Missions are..." He swallows. "Unpredictable."

Peter shakes his head, voice soft. "I let you go in," he argues, "I _wanted_ you to come with me. I'm indestructible, and I let you--" He's shocked when water begins to spill from his eyes. Peter hardly ever cries, even when there's nothing but blinding pain in his chest; he's never cried for the fallen, and not even for his father. But he's soaking Steve with his tears as he holds the man against his chest, shoulders trembling as he struggles not to sob out loud. He can feel the warmth of Steve's blood seeping into the fabric of his pants, and Peter cries a little harder because he knows that he's dying. Most importantly, he knows that help won't come fast enough; they'd told Chin and Kono and Danny not to follow after them until radio contact ceased, and Peter only ripped the earpiece out of Steve's ear two minutes ago.

Peter isn't the praying type. He hasn't gone to church in years, not without his mother there to remind him to dress up nicely and offer his Sundays to the Lord.

He prays.

"They always said recklessness'd be the death of me," Steve says, obviously trying for humor, but failing as he coughs. "I wanted to come, Peter. Couldn't let you go into Wo Fat's HQ without me," he tries to assure him, and he smiles despite the blood in his mouth. Though Peter knows he means well, it doesn't really work. He's not at ease, not by a longshot, but at least his tears have stopped. Steve squeezes Peter's hand, and Peter makes a noise as he presses their foreheads together, listening to the commander as he spoke between them. "I'm glad I could be with you."

He's seen people die--eased them through the process and comforted them all the way. Peter is a hospice nurse, he knows this for sure. Quietly, his grip on Steve's hand unrelenting, he pulls back slightly to look properly into Steve's eyes.

"Are you in pain?" Peter asks, his voice straining to remain firm; his entire being dedicated to keeping the fresh wave of tears at bay instead of loose. Steve sends Peter his best grin, and his teeth are crimson. He replies with an 'a little'.

Steve's lying, and Peter knows it. They both know it's not going to end well; experience has taught them that. It's amazing Steve's not screaming still, but Peter knows his body had long since become numb. In a moment of silence, Peter realizes that maybe Steve feels like he has to be brave because Peter can't be. Still, the pain must be intense. With wandering fingers, Peter can feel a gaping hole just under Steve's ribcage, right on his back.

They're both terrified.

"Can you stop it?" Steve asks, and it's a big question. It's a huge question, and Peter feels his eyes go wide. He can't find his voice; Steve looks up at him with a more tired smile, a more resigned one, and Peter gives in. He nods, slowly, and he knows he can if he has to. It doesn't mean he wants to, though, and now he finds that perhaps he doesn't have the strength for this. Steve coughs up one more time, and he gives as best a squeeze he can before pleading with his eyes. Peter's decision is renewed, but only marginally.

He unsheathes the knife at Steve's leg holster, gripping it tight in his hand as he looks down at him. Words bubble up in his throat, and he blurts them out in the loudest whisper he's ever heard.

"I love you," Peter says.

With the corners of his eyes crinkling, Steve whispers, "I love you, too."

The world seems to disappear as Peter moves to slide the blade in through the wound on Steve's back, and Steve's eyes remain open as he watches the expressions on Peter's face--the last things he'll ever see before he dies. Peter stabs him through the back and they both know why. He does it so they can have an open casket, and so this won't be the last time Peter has to look at Steve. He does it so that when he sees him one last time, Steve will look peaceful and happy, like he's sleeping. His eyes filling with tears again, Peter tries so badly to smile, so Steve has something good to look at before he dies, and when Steve smiles back lethargically, Peter hits his heart and Steve lets out a choked cry.

And then, just like that, he's gone--and the blood is on Peter's hands.

When the rest of Five-0 finally arrive, they find Peter sitting with his back to a wall, Steve still wrapped up in his arms.

"We have to beat Wo Fat," he says repeatedly, almost maniacally.

It takes the whole team and a number of back-up officers from the Honolulu Police Department to get Peter to let go.


End file.
